A peek into the modern grade school classroom for a History lesson. Your teacher for today will be Raven Grimes. Take it away, Raven...
"Okay, so the woman appeared one day, we won't get into the 'how' part. Then she invented fire, and after that the wheel. Woman was happy with the wheel and fire for a really, really, long time. Then the cis-gender people showed up. Woman celebrated this arrival, and life was good, there was total harmony on Earth. But then men showed up...and they fucked everything up. These bastards ate all the food, murdered all the pretty birds and beat the shit out of all the innocent cis-gendered people...and women too (or so they say). Then the plagues happened, which was God's way of trying to kill this new parasite called "men". Then the Dark Ages happened, where all the men burned everything, including all the history books which PROVED beyond any reasonable doubt that the WOMAN and MIDDLE-SEX people were here first and were the more superior beings. But that's all gone now. Destroyed by, yep, you guessed it...MEN! But not just any men..."WHITE" men. Then the Crusades happened, which was men's way of showing off their over the top toxic masculinity. Now, keep in mind here, children...these were all "WHITE" men doing all this pillaging and slaughtering. All the women, cis-genders and colored folk had NOTHING to do with it! Remember this kids...NOTHING! The women and cis-genders would have done it completely differently. We would have talked about it behind their backs, gossiped about it, and created a couple reality shows. Yeah sure, there would have been a few cat-fights here and there, but the streets wouldn't have flowed red with blood like what all the "WHITE" men did. Not even close! So after this, there were a bunch of gay Kings which was a really interesting period (much more on this later). This was called the "Middle Ages". And right after that the "WHITE" men were back at it again, this time destroying the environment and creating "Global Warming". And ever since then it has just gotten worse and gone downhill from there. And that, folks, is World history from the beginning until now.
So, after class today, children, you will find a confessional just outside the classroom where you can apologize to whatever higher power you believe in,...or you can just spend the time masturbating in the parking lot...and right next to that you will find a pit full of spikes which you can hurl yourself into. And, it's okay...we'll notify your Mom you did the right thing."
edit - Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...there was this guy named Jesus. He showed up on the scene right after the bastard men ate all the food and fornicated all the women into exhaustion, the bastards. Anyway, this Jesus dude tried to change the whole narrative up to that point by trying to give his dad credit for all the hard work and stuff women did. He told this really long made up story which a bunch of dudes with long beards and wearing dresses tried to write down as he wandered around. We've spent the past 1,000 years trying to get rid of all the copies of this dang book, but it keeps popping up in rooms at Motel 6 all over the place.
"Okay, so the woman appeared one day, we won't get into the 'how' part. Then she invented fire, and after that the wheel. Woman was happy with the wheel and fire for a really, really, long time. Then the cis-gender people showed up. Woman celebrated this arrival, and life was good, there was total harmony on Earth. But then men showed up...and they fucked everything up. These bastards ate all the food, murdered all the pretty birds and beat the shit out of all the innocent cis-gendered people...and women too (or so they say). Then the plagues happened, which was God's way of trying to kill this new parasite called "men". Then the Dark Ages happened, where all the men burned everything, including all the history books which PROVED beyond any reasonable doubt that the WOMAN and MIDDLE-SEX people were here first and were the more superior beings. But that's all gone now. Destroyed by, yep, you guessed it...MEN! But not just any men..."WHITE" men. Then the Crusades happened, which was men's way of showing off their over the top toxic masculinity. Now, keep in mind here, children...these were all "WHITE" men doing all this pillaging and slaughtering. All the women, cis-genders and colored folk had NOTHING to do with it! Remember this kids...NOTHING! The women and cis-genders would have done it completely differently. We would have talked about it behind their backs, gossiped about it, and created a couple reality shows. Yeah sure, there would have been a few cat-fights here and there, but the streets wouldn't have flowed red with blood like what all the "WHITE" men did. Not even close! So after this, there were a bunch of gay Kings which was a really interesting period (much more on this later). This was called the "Middle Ages". And right after that the "WHITE" men were back at it again, this time destroying the environment and creating "Global Warming". And ever since then it has just gotten worse and gone downhill from there. And that, folks, is World history from the beginning until now.
So, after class today, children, you will find a confessional just outside the classroom where you can apologize to whatever higher power you believe in,...or you can just spend the time masturbating in the parking lot...and right next to that you will find a pit full of spikes which you can hurl yourself into. And, it's okay...we'll notify your Mom you did the right thing."
edit - Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...there was this guy named Jesus. He showed up on the scene right after the bastard men ate all the food and fornicated all the women into exhaustion, the bastards. Anyway, this Jesus dude tried to change the whole narrative up to that point by trying to give his dad credit for all the hard work and stuff women did. He told this really long made up story which a bunch of dudes with long beards and wearing dresses tried to write down as he wandered around. We've spent the past 1,000 years trying to get rid of all the copies of this dang book, but it keeps popping up in rooms at Motel 6 all over the place.
